What is the world coming to? (part 2)

Ever felt helpless when something annoyed you?? There are some things-petty things yes but still-that need to be taken care of...Don't know what I'm talking about? Well this will clear things up...

Ahem

5 things I'd like to change if I had the power to do so in no particular order (mind it I'm not talking about stuff like poverty, disease and hunger)

1) People honk way too much....In no other country do people honk this much and for no apparent reason. I mean you're stuck in a traffic jam right...and there are people honking! Hello how will it help if you honk ya morons? The vehicles aren't gonna evaporate! I mean they just take extreme pleasure in blowing our ears out- I say fine every idiot who honks for no reason...or better yet take a horn and blow it really loud in his ear- that oughta show em.

2) Misspelled signs. Spotted at an std booth- "We are not respose for trump calls" (I say what is a trump call?)Seen those bandis?- "Chaines fast food" or something to that effect...And the most annoying signs have to be the ones on walls- u know- "Do not pass urine hear"- lol ewwwwwww! But u kno i was thinking most of the people who do their business there are probably illiterate so how would they know what the heck is written on the wall??

3) Auto drivers are the most annoying people on earth! 50 bucks from lifestyle to central! Sasur ki shaadi hai kya? Too much baap...they just refuse to use the new meters and if they have the old ones then anyway u end up paying some fantastic sum for a short distance...Menace I tell ya!

4)Awright STOP writing about Britney Spears and Paris Hilton- jeez I know more about their lives than my friends'..poor britney has gone cuckoo and still the media won't leave her alone and that paris is just out for attention-most pathetic person I ever heard of- don't even know why she is a celebrity. The bits in the paper about hollywood actors are the lamest bits of gossip ever..."Lindsay spotted with Paris' ex but denies that they are going out" - um hello maybe she's telling the truth? " so and so likes meeting guys in grocery store"; somebody out of rehab, somebody in, rumoured sex tapes blah blah there's no end...sounds like a jungle out there!

5)People spit everywhere!!! AARGH! It irritates me no end! Hack cough spit sneeze...everything on the road like it's their father's house! That way I admire the singaporeans- you should see the roads there- soooo clean and cars actually wait for you if you want to cross the road..OMG. I've seen such road hogs in Hyd it's amazing... nobody wants to wait, they all want to go first and hence we have a traffic jam. Oh yeah and people throw whatever they want on the roads too...like the city is just one gigantic dustbin and when asked not to do so they reply" why? Everybody does it!" Well you're a part of "everybody" too! Someone's gotta stop right?

Don't get me wrong folks- I love my India of course I do....but some things really annoy me....and it seems like one can hardly find an honest person in this country from the bandas on the road to the high up politicians...sigh...Here's hoping that we have a brighter tomorrow...

Leave, Please Or Please Leave?

A chemist in my father's office went on leave for five days without informing anyone. When he came back, my father asked him why he didn't tell anybody about it and asked him to write a leave letter. I was very impressed with what he wrote and decided to put it up here as his letter really sets the standards for how a corporate leave letter should be written
Here is the letter exactly as it is and in no way reflects upon my writing skills

Lee Pharma Ltd.
Date : 27.11.07
To
Respected Sir,

Dear Sir My name is P. Sateesh Kumar. I am - working as a Production Chemist in - F - Block Module to I have my parents immidiatly call to me. my grandmother helth is very seriously - So Because I am not inform to before you. I am - Extreemly sorry. please kindly leave for the '5' - days. Thanking you Sir

Yours faithfully.
P. Sateesh Kumar
Chemist
F - Block
Module - II

Nice isn't it?

V for Valentine!!

I opened the paper today morning and surprise surprise!! HEARTS everywhere. Jeeeez. I groaned and turned the page- well whaddya know more hearts!! "The perfect valentine's day gift !" "This valentine, show her that you care!" GAG!! Who started this anyway? I suppose it was that ole St. Valentine. Yeah I know loads of people love this day- they wait for it with anticipation and all but I'm not exactly feeling very kindly toward him right now... Makes me feel like saying "Bah! Humbug" (yes i know that's related to christmas but I think it pretty much fits here). What about those of us who are not in a "relationship"?? Man, we're getting a raw deal ! Didn't think about us now did you Valentine ole chap?

WE have to watch all the cuteness everywhere, give up reading the paper today because it's so valentiney, even messaging rates are up to one buck-rip off i tell ya....the horoscope thingy in the paper-that's also on love and lame things like what to buy your aquarian girlfriend.....I mean puhhhleeeez I checked out virgo and it said liquer chocolates or a topaz ring!! Well I'm a virgo and if my guy tried to buy me that i'd think he was touched in the head. What's wrong with regular chocolates and a diamond ring huh??? Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend for nothing. They're so pretty and shiney:) Topaz-eurgh:(

Valentine specials on the telly too-but not a SINGLE good movie- no kidding...I'd have atleast taken that as compensation for having to go through this day. Well I have come to the conclusion that this day sucks and it is just a gimmick to sell stuff. Shops and their lame Valentine specials.

If you love your girlfriend- tell her that everyday, buy her something whenever you feel like, take her out, make her feel special...and that's the way it should work...Why all this natak??

Oh world when will you learn??

P.S- Might not be blogging too often now folks-stupid exams.

What Is This World Coming To?

And I thought that the world could get no crazier.
The authorities are still debating over whether the bullet or the hitting the roof killed Benazir Bhutto. Who cares?????? She's dead all the same and ascertaining the cause of her death won't bring her back! Now the latest Bhutto personality is her niece, Fatima Bhutto who believes that she is the heir of PPP & is trying to push poor Bilawal in the background, saying he isn't the right person for the job. Look, you may not like your aunt and that's all fine and dandy but please, the poor boy's got enough on his plate already and doesn't need your brickbats
Another speculation as to how someone died. Did Heath Ledger commit suicide or was it a fatal combo of medicines? His funeral was held in Perth a few days ago. Michelle Williams was there. She put her filming on hold to mourn him. Well, what is the use, frankly? You know you may very well have been the cause for his suicide, if it was one in the first place.
Celebrities are a strange set of people. They keep talking about some Amy Winehouse these days, a troubled British singer. Golly, where do they crop up from? And everytime I see the same photo of hers, the black dress, tattoos and that Goth make-up and would you believe that she was wearing the exact same thing at her satellite Grammy performance?? Look, I know you won 5 Grammy's and everything and you are going through a rough patch, but it would help if you changed your dress once in a while. Gemma Atkinson has now moved from the Sports page to the Entertainment page. How annoying!!! Daniel Radcliffe just broke up with his girlfriend. I didn't even know he had one in the first place!! Somebody named Laura who couldn't put up with his demanding schedule. And imagine we had to listen to Emma Watson go on about how boys find her intimidating etc. but that Drucker dude cheated on her anyways (can you believe she drank champagne at a French Riviera on a date?)
Last Sunday, I was sitting alone on the steps of St. Mary's during break time when an old lady came upto me with a prescription in her hand. Dejavu?? You bet!!! She wasn't merely asking me help for reading the prescription. No, she was asking me to fund it as she kept showing me her waist and mumbled something about cancer. I tried to brush her way politely by saying "Telugu radu" but I was bogged down by my own sentiments and thoughts which I had penned down here a few days ago and I handed her Rs.10. Did she really have cancer? I can't tell. This is the state we have come to. Genuinity is very hard to detect. I know this is unconnected but I can't help remembering one beggar boy in Sindhi Colony who had his little brother with him. When someone gave him an apple, he promptly gave it to his little brother to eat without even looking at it. This is my India.........
And it is this India that the Chinese want to devour!!!! Arunachal Pradesh is a part of our country, they say. Yeah right!!! The gods must be crazy in China!!! (oooh good one!) As it is, we are having border troubles with Pakistan and we don't need you to add to them. So as a sign of protest, I'm going to give up eating Chinese food. I was never crazy about it in the first place. Its so.....ubiquitous! Its everywhere! Road-side stalls, 5-star hotels...so giving up is not going to be hard, except maybe for momos. I LOVE MOMOS!!! But I never really thought of it as a Chinese dish. Hence I hereby declare momos to be a part of Bengali cuisine. There, how do you like that? That'll teach you to take something that's not yours!!!
To divorce or to not divorce, that is the question. No. The question is : when did I marry her in the first place? The Malik-Siddiqui was is still on in full force and I'm finding it hard to take a stand. Malik's words are starting to sound convincing and people don't drag one to court just for fun now do they? Well, the city is now talking about how Malik cheated Ayesha and I'm talking about how auto wallahs cheated me! They tamper even with electric meters for heavens sake!!!!!!!!!!
But everything is not so bad. I now officially approve of Brangelina. I realise now that Angelina is far from just an attractive face. She's a good person at heart and she really wants to make a difference in this world. She and Brad saved a kid from being stampeded the other day and that's why she now trumps Jennifer Anniston. But just legitimise things by getting married please! Then everything would be truly nice!

Top 10 Crazy Things I've Done In My Life

How All American Girl - ish! Anyway, here we go!

10. Going down a water slide knowing perfectly well that I can't swim and might drown. Well....I did drown
9. Inventing a game which involved you to hug a pillar 5 times and also a new language where "shosha" meant sing, when I was 7
8. Sticking a knife into myself at a restaurant to see if I would bleed like on T.V. Relax! the knife was blunt...although I did ask my aunt menacingly which knife was sharper
7. Cutting the cake on my 4th birthday and then sticking the knife in my mouth to lick the cream off and in the process, cutting my lip. Boy, I sure love knives don't I?
6. Snatching money from the hand of an uncle named (sigh) The Frump. Coincidence, isn't it? The Fates can be so cruel!!!!
5. Picking up a roshogolla from the plate of one of my guests when I was 5. What? He offered it to me! That was the only day when my father screamed at me.
4. Yelling at a theater full of people in the middle of a movie in Delhi. They were laughing...I couldn't hear the dialogues!
3. Seeing a cockroach in the bathroom and losing my head and tongue, ran out of there screaming "THERE'S A CHOCOLATE IN THE BATHROOM!!!!"
2. Wiping myself with a door mat thinking it was a towel at a 5 star hotel in Agra. It was white and fluffy, ok!! and it was all folded up and placed neatly near the bathtub. What was I to think????

And the number one craziest thing I've done in my life is....................

1. The unspeakably stupid thing I did in Kolkata. I know, I know. It was crazy, it was dumb. The full impact of it is hitting me now and making me cringe. Would it help in my defence if I said that I had fever then and I needed to entertain myself and that the delirium drove me to do this?

MENTAL NOTE : I do strange things in other cities (mind the pun)

P.S. Today is Charles Dickens' birthday and tomorrow is you know who's!!!

Unknown Faces, Known Pain

Why is it that some people have fantastic, fabulous lives and others have wretched lives? Is it really fair to anyone of us? What gives other people the right to mistreat and look down upon others? You see all this cruelty from far and shame the wrongdoers but the next day, knowingly or unknowingly, you might be one of them.
In a third world country like India, poverty is one of the major problems. You see beggars everywhere and I really feel sorry for them. Of course, some of them might just be pretending to be sick and handicapped, like one beggar at NTR Circle who faked Parkinson's Disease to garner sympathy. When the vehicles stop, he shakes his head uncontrollably. When they drive off, his head is rod - straight. There is also another one at Paradise Circle who has only one leg and uses crutches. He hires an auto everyday to go to work and in the evening takes an auto back home after finishing his duty. Another way of getting money is by using children. It's really one form of emotional blackmail. A little girl has been coming to our college to beg for the last few days. Her name is Sapna and I see her being shooed away, ignored or made fun of by the more fortunate ones. I wish I could do something for these beggars. But there is a feeling of guilt because this is my parent's money. So I plan to do something when I stand on my own two feet and I hope this feeling stays because people say one thing whern they are kids and grow up to do quite something else. I remember crying once when I was little because my father refused to give a beggar money and now sometimes I pass by indifferently in front of their empty palms. Things are so much complicated now, you don't even know who deserves to be given money or not. Some of these beggars pull faces when I give them a coin and behave as if I did them a favour while some even harass you for more but some accept the alms graciously and bless you profusely. I particularly rememeber a beggar at Lifestyle crossing. He had no legs. I gave him a coin and he smiled so sweetly and went off and made me marvel at how happy he can be in his wretchedness. That really touched me. At times, just after refusal, my conscience haunts me until I set out the find the one I rejected and give him his due but there are some faces that are lost in the crowd forever and I cannot find them again because I let go of the chance to help them like the old fakir in my colony, the old man, near my mother's office, who looked like Santa Claus and the old lady near my school who only asked me to read out her prescription as she couldn't understand it. Their faces come to me at times and I feel really awful
Another face that I will remember is that little boy in Agra. He sold imitation jewellery for a living. He cornered me once and tried to sell his wares. I tried to brush him away politely at first but he kept insisting and in the end after a lot of bargaining and pleading, I bought a pair of earrings from him for Rs. 10. By then, my aunt was calling me from the car. He asked me to buy another one but I had to leave. As I sat in the car, I thought, would I really had been at a loss if I had purchased more of his earrings? No. I wouldn't. The money that lay idle in my purse would have meant a lot to that little boy. Well, I did help him in a tiny way, but I wish I could have done more. Sometimes I pray that Agra's little soul has a better life than what he has been given.
You don't have to be poor for someone to mistreat you or misunderstand you. At Yelahanka station, when we were waiting for the train to arrive, I saw a man standing really close to me and staring at me. I moved away thinking he was a lech and my father yelled at him. It was only later that both of us realised he was blind, when he tottered about with his stick, asking people if his train had arrived. My father felt really bad and so did I. I wanted to apologise to him but couldn't find the courage. Either he didn't hear what my father said or he was just used to it. Take New Year for example. I went with my parents and aunt to Blue Fox for dinner. The hotel people had hired a professional singer to serenade the customers. He went form table to table hoping that someone would ask him to play but people either ignored him or obliged in a very condescending way. I heard him sing and play. He was very good. But people here do not recognise talent or the dignity of labour, no matter in what form it is. More recently, we went out again to 100 Degrees. There we saw a noisy, obnoxious family with three kids who had brought their maid along to sheperd them. They made her sit outside while they feasted inside. I saw the threshold that separated the rich and the poor and also the humane and the barbaric. They could have jolly well left her out. Atleast she wouldn't be subjected to the torture of seeing all that she couldn't have right in front of her eyes.
There are different forms of cruelty, yes. You don't have to be an evil looking, hirsute gorilla spouting catchy dialogues to be a villain. But the world is not completely without saints. I don't aspire to be one but I hope I can do something for all those people whose suffering made me cry and remember them

Penning the Pedagogues - 5

College is now officially over and hence I am obliged to write the last in this series

Initiation (Physics) : I think his name is Amit, I'm not so sure. He was OK as a teacher, besides Kinematics is not a very hard chapter to teach. But the freaky part is that he looked a lot like Tom Riddle and he also carried a diary around. Gasp!!!

Initiation (Maths) : I don't know his name but he was Bengali for sure. I could make out by his accent. He taught Permutations and Combinations really well and he was nice and soft-spoken

Kunal Biswas (Physics) : Another Bengali. He kinda looked like Yogi Bear but I've never seen him hankering after a picka-nik basket. He also lisped a little. But he was smart, that I can say. He was a good teacher too, only he did the same things in different methods which was confusing and his class kind of got sluggish at times. But he did teach us that pouring a drop of water in Hussain Sagar will not make it overflow and cows cannot be added to dinosaurs.

Srinivas (Maths) : Creepy guy!!!! Creepy, Creepy, CREEPY!!!! Had a bald patch and looked weird and couldn't manage a single day without that stupid file of his. He came from Delhi to teach "the top two batches" of the afternoon slot (poor guy [not him], how he must have suffered for a year and he didn't even know it) but it was Delhi who booted him out finally. Enjoyed screaming at me and Apu and some guys too, but was particularly fond of a guy named Srinivas (hmm.....I wonder why?) Lech......pulled my uniform in front of Vijay to explain that just as how my uniform feels new to me, locus will also be new to me. Ugh!!! Creepy!

Neelesh (Physics) : Delhi gave him the boot too. Thye weird thing is, in the holidays I had some nightmares about being in A03 and I dreamt that he was teaching us and so I walk in first day and I see him actually teaching us!!!! ESP or what?? (Can I have my own psychic hotline now?) He liked to speak mostly in Hindi and he confused me even more than Kunal. Him and his Wheat-es-stone Breej. He finds jockeys very funny (don't ask) and had strange eyes but perfect teeth. Lekin jaate-jaate mera integration to sudhar ke gaya

Srinivas (English) : Boy, there are a lot of Srinivases in this world. But I liked to call him LameBob Tightypants. He liked to act as if he was all that but he wasn't. His pronunciation was weird and even though he can rattle off all the rules of grammar and has a bazillion certificates from God knows which institutes but he still doesn't get a certificate from me for his yoo-yes. Dweeb. Yes, you!!! But apart from all this he was nice

S.K. Rajesh (Chemistry) : Oh he's a damn good teacher! Very methodical and efficient. Stickler for rules, yes, but its for our own good otherwise my workbooks would have never been complete. Yeah, he used to make us stay back and do it but he always let the girls off in half an hour (hee hee). He really cares about his students. He charts their indivdual progress and encourages them and gives tips to improve and work harder (heck, he's the only one who talks during PTMs) He is very much in command. Oooh..you don't want to get on his wrong side. He doesn't yell but that soft, dangerous whisper and woe be you, if he resorts to THE SMILE, is enough to make your hair stand on its end. But he has a sense of humour too, sarcastic one, actually. He picks on the guys a lot and maybe that's why some of them resent him. Sigh! Boys and their stupid prejudices. All he wanted for them is to "come forward in life" and Anil to recap last class' concepts. Poor Aniline! (hee hee) Probably dreaded Chem periods. But I'm above all that, except for the fact that he called me Ghosh Roy at first (you don't call a lady by her last name!) but I still say he's a good teacher

Ramesh Babu (Maths) : WOAH!!!!!!!!!!!! (falling on knees and bending forward periodically with hands in air : Salami, Salami, Baloney). This dude is Math Lord!!! And he's cool too! Wher do you find a teacher like that????!!!! Any topic he just teaches it like as if its nothing! He gives really useful notes too. His classes were really fun. He had a mostly perverted sense of humour. What better way than to connect with a bunch of 16 year olds? He loved Vinayak...oh yes, Vinayak finally found his Master Sahab (ICSE students...get it?) Such moments are better documented in a separate post. "Tujhe Dekha" rocks! I love his ringtone. Havn't met a single person who does not like him (except for Raman, bully you!) Dislikes wearing ties but has an amazing dress sense. Dislikes writing spellings of big words too. Tried to be strict with us once but got laughed in the face. We can ask him "kocchens" anytime but he is a little busy, yaar! A little lazy and a slacker, he's worse than a pampered starlet. But he is very motivational - "If you don't do homework at 16, what do you do yaar?" Golly Sir, don't get us started! (hee hee) You rock!!!

Laik Ali (Maths) : A sad, sad, sad sucessor to the Lord. He gives methodical notes but his teaching aint great. His sense of humour sucks big time. Tried to pull a Babu once - "What are you doing with each other in the last bench?" and when he gets laughed at, "Arre, why do you take wrong meanings of everything?" Well, what are we supposed to understand from your moochooallies and your genooains? You're not normal! And no, you are not tangent either (paying you back in the same coin) It's a wonder I didn't send something flying at him all year. His comments are also better off listed in a separate post. Can't believe I was scared of him at first. And why are my sentiments for Kolkata your headache? I don't like him one bit.

Nagaraj (Chemistry) : He taught me during the Initiation Phase. A lackadaisical person, if there ever was one. He doesn't like A03. Someone told me he dislikes A01. He can't stand A07 either. My, doesn't he have sunshine in his life! Half the days I can't make out if he is clean shaven or not. He's a good teacher but he makes everything so boring in that toneless, droning voice of his, which he raise sometimes to say "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYE!!!" His fingers are very pointy and he's got a Hitch-hiker's thumb (learnt it while researching on Genetics) Expressionless too. But he is full of simpool eggjampools and has this annoying habit of coining new abstract nouns such as strongness and specificity. Strange sense of humour. What is periodic acid? Boiling the elements of periodic table and distilling them. Aaaye!! What you are saying? (point point)

P.K. Dash (Physics) : He's our Principal too. I didn't like him at first because he told Rachina's mum that both of us talk a lot and he had the same thing to say to my mum also during PTM but he's an amazing teacher. He teaches the fundamentals very clearly and everything becomes bherry bherry eechi. Of course, he can be a little scary at times with the whole bald and tubby demeanour but otherwise he's kinda cute (hee hee) I'm sure I'm going to remember his teaching for a long time like when a table and chair collides, chair does not turn into parrot and table doesn't become goat (what is it with Physics teachers and animals?) and oh, PHEEESH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gopalkrishna (English) : Meet BobBob Fancypants, His English is better than his predecessor but he is a jumpy little racoon. He just doesn't shut up!!! Of course, he likes me...which English teacher wouldn't? but his voice is as pleasing as nails being dragged along the blackboard. He pretends to be full posh but that's just a load of tosh (see Sir? Rhyme!)

Verma (French) : I definitely need a separate post for him but to cut a long story short and give you a preface, he's a weirdo, utterly sexist, demented and loony. He knows everything! Sure. But he's quite lenient until he is seized by temporary madness. But I'll have to admit he's a very good French teacher pour maintenant je parle francais tres bien. Oui, Oui.

SPECIAL MENTION

Ajay Tripathi (Substitute Chemistry) : Young dude. Has a profile on bharatmatrimony.com and is all cool and stuff supposedly but I'm very unimpressed
Atul Tripathi (Substitute Physics) : Supposedly a lech. Maybe...good teacher? Ok. Dimwit? Yes.
Me : Cough Cough Sneeze Wheeze
Him : I think you are not well?
You think? Gee, whatever gave you that idea?
Manoj (Substitute Physics) : Manoj (disdain again) I think I've said enough about him.
D.J. (Substitute Physics) : He's supposed to be good but first year Physics had me so strung out I didn't get a chance to judge him properly. I heard he liked him a lot (I ask you who wouldn't? Too many people, infact. Waaah!!!! I dislike competition)
Raman (Substitute Maths) : Scares the hell out of me. Too scared to concentrate in class. His "tcch arre!" is enough to give me a nervous breakdown. He shakes his hip a lot and pokes his nose in places where it doesn't belong.

Damodar (Physics Practicals) : Sneaky little stool pigeon who is dead scared of Dash. Likes to overact at times and loves to flick people's cellphones but one smouldering look from Harsha is enough to set him right (Yay Harsha!) Loves to make fun of Mohan Krishna. Poor Chitti Papu. His advice for our practical exams : ekdum jhakaas dikhna chahiye
Sudhakar (Chemistry Practicals) : Burette Uncle is nice. He was there for me from the day I got admitted. He's patient and nicer and plays it cool

Arun : I like him. He's sweet to me and he's the only person in the whole of FIITJEE to pronounce my name right
Waghray : I like him and then I don't like him. Depends on how he behaves. But it gives me satisfaction that I made his daughter dance to my tunes once
Sarita : Miss "Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me" is the object of adolescent adulation of atleast half the male student population. Lady, you have nice dress sense but tone down your make-up, you look like a vamp.
Ibrahim : I still can't figure out what his designation is but I'm sure FIITJEE won't be able to function a single day without him
Notice Guy : I don't know his name but I always look forward to his visits. Bring us more notices for holidays please! (don't listen to Harsha's groans)
And finally.......................
The Watchmen of FIITJEE : One question - Is blowing the whistle one of the perks of your job?