He Died And Left Me This Heath........

Today, I devote this post to Heath Ledger. It's not a entirely an entry about how much I like him, but more of an obituary. He committed suicide at 28, on January 22, 2008. He went away too young. I can't say I knew him personally but I don't know why I feel so terrible. Is this what girls my age felt like when James Dean died? I even feel bad that I never wrote his name in the Favourite Actor slot in any slam book! I haven't seen many of his movies but I've seen a part of A Knight's Tale. It was damn good.

William : You're just a silly little girl with a flower!

Jocelyn : Well, I'd rather be a silly little girl with a flower than a silly little boy with a stick. Why don't you like flowers?

William : You can't eat them, they are of no use and they smell

Jocelyn : If you want to prove that you love me, then you will lose today's match William : You're mad!

(At the match)

He charges forward and then stops after sometime and lets the opposing knight bludgeon him with his lance

Bill from STILL STANDING : What are you doing?

English Guy : Are you mad?

William (sighing) : Jocelyn wants me to prove my love for her by losing this match

English Guy : I'd rather have you blind

(When he is getting his arm bandaged)

Jocelyn's Maid : Jocelyn wants you to..................

William : I know, I know. If I love her, then I will lose every match for her

Jocelyn's Maid : No...........If you love her, then you will win every match for her

William : Women!

(The Next Day)

English Guy : There she is, as radiant as the sun. Fight for her. Fight for the one you love

William : Oh, I hate her!

(Later)

Jocelyn : Oh you poor thing! This is all my fault

William : Yes. It is.

All this while, my wanting to watch Brokeback Mountain was for Jake Gyllenhaal, but after seeing this movie, I had a new reason : Heath. He was supposed to play Joker in the new Batman movie. It's going to release this year. And I will watch it out of due respect for him (and the fact that I love Batman!) Some day, I will watch all of his movies. His new one, The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnessus (did I get the title right?) was stopped midway. Since it's a fantasy movie, they're planning to make his character change form and bring in Johnny Depp Quite a few articles about him in the paper today. Like how the name Heath was unlucky as it is reminiscent of Heathcliff who had a tragic end and no luck with Catherine, as did Heath with Michelle Williams. This also reminds me of Catherine, who was a Heath Ledger fan, in All Ameican Girl by Meg Cabot (who by the way, wrote a very disgusting sequel to such a nice book) Did you know Mary Kate Olsen was a good friend of his? Strange! I can't stand her. Britney Spears doesn't think he's gone and that "he's around here" But I can see her following him down the same path. Fame comes at a heavy price and it cost him his life. I still can't explain why is it that I feel so bad. It's not even the kind of feeling I felt when I learned about Marlon Brando's death which came as a shock to me because I thought he was already dead! So think of just how many days I lost of him not being dead while I was thinking he was dead (make sense?) Here's to one talented actor who would have one day made it big and also in my Favourite Actor's list

Rest in peace, Heath............................

The Heartbreaker

Walkin' down the street
I see ya lookin' at me
I smile to myself-I know what you're thinking
I know it aint gonna be
But I can't resist winking



I hum to myself
Knowing you've fallen for me
But girl it aint that easy
You're not the one for me
It's not you, ya see



Coz I'm a heartbreaker
It makes me feel good
To see that look in your eyes
You adore me, You can't ignore me
So I'm gonna have some fun....



"Looking good today, girl".
With a blush and a smile you're mine
You're not the only one
Get in the line
You're not the girl for me



I, Myself and Me
We live in harmony
Don't you even think
You'll ever be as important to me
As me, No way honey!!



Coz i'm a heartbreaker
It makes me feel good
To see that look in your eyes
You think that i'm so fine, oh so divine
So let me have some fun....

Who's that I see,
She aint even looking at me!
She's got someone else(and many more)
Why does that make me sore?
Is she the one for me?



I'm sorry girl but I,
Have found someone my type
She's just what i wanted
So when the time was ripe
I asked her out, yeah



Please don't be mad
Try not to despise
I see it in your eyes
And I kinda feel bad
But what can I do, ya see



Coz I'm a heartbreaker
It makes me feel good
To see that look in your eyes
I see the hurt pride, I took you for a ride
Sorry girl, was just having some fun....

You know you are.............

So here we stand, in our secret place
The sound of the crowd is so far away

I wouldn't say its secret but there is a special place and it is very calm and quiet and peaceful. And what happened there will perhaps happen only once. People wear different faces everyday. He wore one one that day and so did I. And you know what? That combination worked pretty well. I barely recognise him now. I guess everyone's prone to fallacies of the human temperament, so I guess I shouldn't think much about it.

So lets take tonight and never let go
We're dancing this evening like there's no tomorrow

Nope, not letting go but not trying to hold on to it tightly either. I heard somewhere that the more you try to hold on to sand, the more it trickles away. So I'm going to let that impression in the sand stay undisturbed. Oh and I don't dance. I don't think he does either. They're just the song lyrics.

And I'll treasure this moment
Till we meet again

When I met him again after such a long time, my initial impression of him remained. I wouldn't look him in the face, behaved as if he were the dust of my feet, played hide and seek and loads of other crazy, cooked up supposedly ego issues I had. Time passed and everything turned upside down. Traits I hated changed into traits I liked. If someone told me at the time of our first meeting that in the near future it would be like this, I would have probably said "Later, dude!!! You don't know what you're talking about! That's virtually impossible" The Fates really know how to pull the strings, don't they? But I guess I was always fascinated by him from the start. He was so........Darcy! And the funny part is.........I really like Darcy. I don't know when we'll meet again but till then, the etchings in the sand continue to grow.

But no matter how far or where you may be
I just close my eyes and you're in my dreams

That's how it all started. Dreams. It was really kind of like some wake up call or something. I had no idea what my sub-conscious was trying to say but I hope my interpretations were right. I've been having weird dreams lately. I think I haven't been eating properly. He's in them, his face exactly as I remember it, slouched against the wall with the smile on his face. Sometimes they are downright cruel but otherwise there was always something nice about them.

I'll always look back as I walk away
It's here we will last for eternity

I walk away. I turn and look back sometimes. And I turn away again. I've never looked him in the eye till now, even if I did, it was just fleeting. He has a piercing gaze, searching right through you. And I know that if he does look, he'll know. I don't want him to know. It's best it remains this way. You know, just passing by him in those hallowed halls. It's a cycle that'll repeat itself everyday in reality and fantasy.

But until that day...............you.........know you are
The.............

No I'm not going to say it because saying it will mean I'm admitting to it but I don't want to....now. It's not the time for these kind of things anyway. I've got my life's most important exam a few months away and I ought to be thinking about that. I've got more pressing things on my mind right now, what with the possibility of my mother being transferred to Karimnagar in 2 weeks time and my Phase Test and AITS (I did decently in the last one, by the way). So really, I shouldn't be bothered about something like this now. Now's the time to study. I've got plenty of time for all this later.

P.S. Did I really just write all of this? Golly!

Hiatus, Sabbatical or just plain break from posting

Yes, I know it’s been a long time. I’m sorry I had to leave you all just to read The Other One's posts (I know its unbearable, hee hee) Yeah, and guys, I’m not the author of the auto post alright!!!! Today I’m going to write about something in the present tense. I know that most of my posts are in rewind mode because you know I’d like to remember all this stuff when I read them years later. I do have a memory to write about, but I’m not going to risk writing it. I’ll give it a few months time and then go into rewind mode again. I guess that will bring out an element of nostalgia
For New Year, I’ve resolved to work harder. Yes, its tough, old habits die hard but I’m trying. I get up 4:45 in the morning to study and hoping that today atleast I’ll be early to college but you haven’t lived with the Ghosh Roys. Our getting to place on time solely depends on how fast my father can drive. So some days I have to sit in the last bench. It’s not that hard considering now I have glasses and I can see now. Apart from that, I get a really good view of the street where he lives. Sigh!
I think I’ve done this AITS better than the last. Well my Physics score alone is more than what I got in my previous two exams so that’s a good sign right? I couldn’t think of anyone to ask to fill the last page of my slam book so I filled it myself (you know, I can’t let anything go waste!) and it was shockingly blatant. While putting the slam book back, I found some of my old Barbie storybooks. Barbie………. Mention it to a 17 year old now and she’ll look at you like you’re a sea slug or something “You still like/play with Barbies?????????” So did you, once upon a time, missy! We all did. I admit Barbies repulse even me a little bit now but I accept them as a part of my life. Even when someone tells me that she doesn’t like them anymore, I know that she’s just a big, fat liar. Barbie was always the IT girl. She was pretty, had pretty accessories, traveled the world, was kind and had star appeal. No girl could resist them!! Even me. AND I played with GI Joe and Power Rangers action figures, so there! And Ken……….God, even the illustrations of Ken were hot in the story book. You know, its funny that I’ve never seen a Ken doll anywhere. You could have had a whole product range for boys and maybe little boys and girls could play in perfect harmony. Of course, Barbie and Ken broke up long ago. She’s going out with some Australian surfer dude called Blaine. Can inanimate objects be put on the same pedestal as celebrities and used as gossip fodder? Well that just goes to show you that Barbie aint some freaking, stupid doll!!! She’s a legend.
Speaking of Celebrities, I’ve been seeing too much of Gemma Atkinson in the newspapers. One more article about her and I’ll scream!!! Who is she? Cristiano Ronaldo’s ex. And it’s a good thing she is for she’s a sloot. (I love you, Cristiano!!! You’re hot and you play amazing football but your FIFA fiasco against Rooney is UNFORGIVABLE! But I still love you!) That’s the great thing about football, you see. The person wearing the same uniform as you and standing on the same side of the pitch on one day, can stand on the other side on another day, wearing a different uniform. Beckham’s losing form..I see him going down the Ganguly way…so I hope he comes back up again. I don’t want to see him as a falling star placed in some stupid galaxy…LA Galaxy to be exact. I’ve never even heard of it!!!! Beckham also reminds me of Victoria which reminds me of the Spice Girls. So they’re back…Woo hoo.. who cares? Never liked them in the first place. Britney’s going from mental to seriously freaking, demented mental. So’s Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton and the like. Another thing I’m seeing more of these days are, Ayappa Swamis on motorbikes. They’re everywhere I tell you!!! What's the point of that, really? I mean you are supposed to lead an austere life...You know, Think like the Lotus, Be like the Lotus, Drive the Lotus (hee hee)
I have to edit my Bhutto post. The English is plain and mediocre. I can’t have that!!!! Bilawal Bhutto’s cute. Poor guy, I really feel sorry for him. I looked him up on MySpace but didn’t find him but guess who I found instead? SHAWN PYFROM!!! For those who don’t know, he plays Andrew Van de Kamp in Desperate Housewives. And I’m convinced he’s the real one, his profile looked honest to me. Not like the fake Drake Bells I found on Orkut. I asked one of them if he was the real one and he scrapped back in Portuguese…..so yeah, you’re not the real Drake Bell. Gosh imagine if it really is Shawn!!! Wow. I always thought he looked like the Pink Panther (not the real one, the other one…Alternative name : The Prowler. If you meet him in the corridors, you can be damn sure you’re prowling too…He’s cute too, weird but cute and doesn’t think twice before picking up someone’s eraser [nudge nudge]) So keeping fingers crossed and hoping I hear from Shawn Pyfrom. I still can’t believe it’s him!!!
WOWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bringing in oh-oh-eight!

Well now how about that? First time i brought in the new year with the pals...pretty cool huh? I went for dinner first and that was damn good fun! Full nice view of the lake and all- it was pretty:D The guy poured brandy over my steak and set it on fire! Sayonee told a slightly freaked-out me that this apparently is a common practice...so I was like ok! Legit way to get drunk! Just kidding I'm not the type who'd want to get drunk, am quite fine with coke:P Ya and the damn thing had the skin on it- ok all veggies reading this do not get grossed out- that also as i found out from dad is supposedly quite normal...Maybe I'm just not cut out for fine-dining what say? But however weird the food was, it still tasted good and when you have good company, food hardly matters now does it?

Then I went over to Nikita's house and we all went to RSI and danced off....er the dj was kinda sad but he played mauja hi mauja and dard-e-disco so me happy!:) And i was pretty happy about the Varun thing too-both of them look too cute! And then we went back home and did timepass till 630 in the morn! Pillow fights, chatting, psycho-analyzing, dunno how time flew past....Full nice. And i finally got to taste a chocolate pastry from the famous Vac's....drool...

Hmpf but i thought that I would study on the first day of the year...but I just can't! I'm too darn sleepy. Perhaps just opening the book would be enough? I'm really really getting nervous about the studies thing...another aits coming up which I am going to mess up...I dunno, these aits' really piss me off...and it's a freaky feeling to know that this year is going to change my life. Everything-my whole, entire future-depends on what i do in the next 3 months. I mean, dude, YIKES! Way to put the pressure on! Oh dear, just thinking about it makes me queasy...

Well here's hoping that this year doesn't turn out to be a total disaster......optimistic aren't I?:D

Annoyed, Frustrated and just plain Pissed Off

What's with all the fuss about New Year's eve??? Everyday I see zillions of adverts in the newspapers all claiming the best party of the year or whatever.....all with fancy titles which make no sense- Xtravaganza!, Xtacy!!, Reverb 2008- , fancier prices(5000 bucks!-i could buy 5 new dresses with that), and djs whom noone has ever heard of before especially "international" djs. How about telling us if any of these "international" djs were a hit in their respective countries?

New year was never really a big deal for me....I didn't think one was supposed to do anything special on new year's eve....maybe because mum always had to work at the hotel on that night and i usually stayed at home and watched whatever came on the telly......yep there used to be some gooood stuff on the tube on 31st december. I think it was maybe a couple of years ago that i realised oookkk it's supposed to be a huge thing and one is deemed a loser if -gasp! god forbid- one decides to stay at home on NEW YEAR'S EVE! I mean I got laughed at for going to watch a movie that day! Ok so it was only one person who laughed(pointing et all) but still! What's wrong with watching Chicken Little on the 31st of december i ask ya? Do I need a muhurat?
But you know what, last year there was nothing good to watch on the telly. NOTHING. Jeez...you'd think they'd have a heart for those of us who do not have boyfriends they want to go out with and are not allowed to go partying with friends. That's right....not allowed to go partying. And I totally understand my parents' point of view...it aint pretty out there....what with people getting drunk and high and stuff...I'd worry about me too.

So what i wanna know is who the fish started this trend??? Ok, new year, big deal. Isn't a bit strange to celebrate the passage of time? I thought we all wanted more of it......I guess people just want an excuse to party and i mean PARTY....hmpf and because of that, us reluctant ones are getting caught up in the madness too. Really, would you like it if your pals are out having fun without you? Or if you're given the eyebrow the next day- "You mean you stayed at home all evening???"

Well as y'all have probably guessed, I am NOT in a very good mood. Why are things the way they are? Why is it that the more you want something, the less are your chances of getting it? Why do stupid things matter more than the real deal? Why are we all in a race for power and money? Why do we care what other people think? Why do we care about people who don't know we exist? Why do we take people for granted?
Why do nice people finish last???????????

Annoyed at the way of the world, this is me signing off for now.

Daughter Of The East : Done In

Time : 6:16 pm
Place : Rawalpindi
Benazir Bhutto : Dead
Another killing of a public figure. I don't know why but I find them so unreal. A few years ago when Pramod Mahajan was shot by his brother and he died in the hospital after some days. I didn't think that could happen! Public figures live for the public and continue to do so as long as the public exists. Not long after, Saddam Hussain was captured. His trial went on for a long time and finally it was announced that he would be executed. That couldn't possibly happen could it? It did. On New Year's Day. And with New Year's Day around the corner, another one is deprived of the chance of seeing it.
Terrorist attacks have become so commonplace now. I wonder what's it going to be like in the future. What kind of stories am I going to tell my kids about my childhood? I know I didn't spend it like all those people during the World Wars but I will have a bagful of gruesome stories for them
BABRI MASJID DEMOLITION
I was only 2 years old at that time, so I really don't know much about it, but what I gather from my father's diary account is that it stirred up a hornet's nest. Old City was rocked by riots and violence. My 2nd birthday was a low profile affair as the incident did happen on December 6th. I can make out by looking at the photos. Word has it that the BJP demolished a mosque in Ayodhya to construct a Ram temple instead as you know, its Ayodhya. May I ask was it the only piece of land available? Vaastu theek nahi tha kya? Secular country, indeed
RAJIV GANDHI'S ASSASINATION
6 years old and still not a clue about current affairs. I don't remember a single thing
WTC ATTACK
All wised up now, followed up on every article about the fateful day a hijacked flight was flown straight into the WTC towers while another one smashed into the Pentagon. Heard the name Osama Bin Laden for the first time and saw terror and its far reaching effects for the first time. A series of disasters followed. I vaguely remember some trouble at the JFK airport after 9/11. America was on high alert. I don't know if the Iraq War is a consequence of all these events. But Mr. bin Laden got what he wanted - global strife. Could it reach such a state that I could say one day I saw a World War too? World War 3? The cat-mouse game between him and the US continues even today. No one knows where he is today. But was puzzled me was how we saw interviews and tapes of him. It dawned on me perhaps the mediapersons were taken to their hideouts blindfolded so that even if they wanted to squeal later they couldn't as they don't know the place. Otherwise they would have ended up as Wall Street journalist Daniel Pearl.
LONDON BLASTS
Seemed like a little brother of the WTC attacks but shocked everyone all the same
MUMBAI BLASTS
But these were global incidents. Surely it wouldn't happen in India right? I forgot that India was a part of the globe too. 7/7 and scores of local trains in Mumbai went up in flames, reminescent of the Godhra massacre. But what can you say? The eternal love affair between Mumbai and the underworld still continues....
HYDERABAD BLASTS
Something closer to home and a stone's throw from my college. The Laser Auditorium in Lumbini Park exploded at around 7:30pm along with Gokul Chat centre in Koti. High alert everywhere and of course some finger pointing seeing that this had come only 2 months after the Mecca Masjid blast.
Heights of stupidity : A motorist hands an unidentified black bag in the hands of a policeman hours before the blast saying it wasn't his and sped off. Right after news of the blasts spread, the bag was opened..to reveal what? A bomb.
And oh, how do you amuse yourself after such morbid events occur? Make bomb hoax calls of course! Like the one to my college where all the teachers told us to vacate the campus immediately in deathly quiet voices which tried to supress the mad urgency
And now Bhutto. She survived a suicide attack just 2 months ago but she wasn't so lucky this time. Had 5 bullets pumped into her with an AK-47 and...you should really admire their meticulous planning...a suicide bomber just in case that failed. You know, I really don't understand suicide bombers. You get a raw deal anyways don't you? Kill loads of people and kill yourself too. Don't they have families who care for them? Or would their families rather have them dead by "doing a service to God"? Who are you kidding anyways? When is this going to stop? We don't need any real life murder mysteries for our entertainment , thank you!