Getting There

Yayy I finally asserted my independence! Stood on my own two feet! Travelled the lonely road! Made the journey!!.....Er, went alone in an auto that is:D

It wasn't such a big deal actually but I, being a first timer, had to face some unusual problems.
I came down the stairs of my college and saw quite a few autowallahs parked outside. Oooooook.
Nobody told me how to choose which one to take. Autowallahs are one of my big fears so this one was tricky- I avoided the ones who were scowling like the villains one sees in telugu films and chewing paan(don't ask) and got into an old guy's auto. Unfortunately his auto was as old as he was. Crash! Bang! Creak! Rattle! Groan! God. I wondered if we'd make it in one piece or just with the autoguy holding the handlebar(whatever it's called) and me standing behind him. And he mumbled something i didn't understand so i had to go Huh??? atleast thrice before i took a wild guess at what he was trying to say and answered his question....Phew lucky one. Oh and of couse, I got ripped off. The meter was going faster than Scooby Doo going for a Scooby snack. Jeeeeez. And duh as it would have to happen in a situation like this, I was broke......so I dug out 38 bucks from my bag somehow and asked him to stop when the meter read 38.......and yeah walked the rest of the way home!! Hehe but it's ok...it wasn't that far, and god knows i could use the exercise......

So I made it!! Got ripped off and the auto nearly fell apart(what? it felt like it was going to!) but I maayaaade it!!! Tra la la la la. Haha. I so rule.

It's Beginning To Look a Lot Like Christmas

It's one day before Christmas and this is just how Christmassy it's going to get. The newspapers carry a few articles about Christmas everyday, they've put up 2 huge inflatable Santas in front of Chandana Bros. and CMR mall, St. Pauls have put up a huge clothsy star bearing greetings behind NTR garu and the destitute have taken to selling bobble hats for a living. Really, I wonder if they truly understand what Christmas is all about, poor things, for them its just some commercial holiday out of which they try to make a living. There's an old beggar near my mother's office that dresses in red with a green scarf and wears a red hat and has fluffy white hair and a beard, just like Santa Claus you know. Funny, isn't it? It breaks my heart to see someone who bears resemblance to one of the jolliest, popular icons should be so wretched.
Santa kinda scared me when I was little. Scared, as in that I would be shy and wouldn't know what to say to him when I finally met him. On Christmas Eve, I'd push my wishlist into a sock and wait with anticipation and next morning, lo, a present!! Of course, I had begun to doubt his existence when I found a Foodworld price tag still suspiciously stuck to my bag of chocolates and the wrapping paper which Santa had wrapped my gift with had appeared in a corner of my room a few days later. That's when the news was broken to me. I never made wishlists again. Why did we ever grow up? (Gosh, this is making me cry)
Christmas in FIITJEE would only be a printout of Santa Claus with MERRY CHRISTMAS typed below it and stuck to the notice board and of course, a holiday on 25th (they don't want to be considered non-secular, do they?) Christmas in school? Now you're talking! Enter December and the entire mood changes. Practise for carol-singing competitions, plays and dances would begin in November itself as our Christmas programme would be put up on any day between 7th to 10th (it fell on my birthday once) right before our half yearlys. In kindergarten, we would be given biscuits and lollipops to eat. The lollipops sucked. (hee hee get it?) I'd always exchanged it for more biscuits but it's still a memory. But when the canteen reopened after being shut for 9 years (as "Canteen Sister" was ill), we frequented there for our goodies. Stood in line to get to the place where they sold Melts, samosas, Joker cones (I like them, OK?) and the yellow Tutus chips (yup, good old Tutus!) The school would be decorated with tinsel wreaths and thermocol greetings. A diorama of the baby in the manger would be put up in front of the marble statue of St. Mary in the garden. The little kids would also make their own models and a competition would be held to see who's is the best. Carols from practice would pleasantly float up to our classroom. I learned a lot of carols that way. Growing up in the lap of Christianity, I know more stories from the Bible than the Bhagwad Gita. The grottoes of our patron saint and our foundress would also be decorated. There was so much more to it, I remember but I can't put them down. Christmas time was so much fun in school, you really ought o be there to experience it. It's nothing like the commercialised version of Christmas you see outside. It's disgusting the way these great malls deck themselves up and put on great sales and go all "So who's Santa are you being this year?" I'm not against giving but wouldn't it be nicer if it was given to someone who really needed it? Christmas, although Santa is associated with it, is primarily, Christ and his sacrificing nature, something which I will not forget thanks to the teaching of my alma mater. Coupled with its principles and a miniature and plastic, but nevertheless, pine tree, Christmas comes to St. Ann's...
Christmas also meant HOLIDAYS while in school, like a proper vacation (something unheard of in FIITJEE) and of course, Christmas specials on Cartoon Network!!! How I'd wait for an entire year just for that one week of T.V. viewing. All week long they would show Christmas episodes of regular cartoons like Johnny Bravo, Scooby Doo etc. The good ones would be saved for Christmas day like Christmas comes to Jimmy Creek, one of my favourites where a greedy boy named Jimmy Creek writes Santa a long letter of things he wanted but Santa mistakenly (or perhaps purposely) delivers them to a town name Jimmy Creek and manages to inculcate the spirit of giving in him, Christmas comes to Pacland and many more and of course!!!!!!! The Grinch who stole Christmas!!! (You're an evil one, Mr. Grinch!) Yeah those were the times.....I doubt if they even show Christmas specials of regular cartoons now. Christmas has become so much more Scrooge like (bah humbug!). I would be truly pleased to meet the ghost of Christmas past, maybe it can show me all my other school memories of Christmas. The ghost of Christmas present? Not really, unless it brings me a Christmas present (hee hee) and the ghost of Christmas future? Maybe it will show me putting up a real live Christmas tree, helping the poor as I always wanted to (poor Santa look-alike, bless his soul!) and I hope my posterity would see the true spirit of Christmas as I really have.

Joy to the world!!
Merry Christmas everybody!!!

Of kutteys, kamineys and maas

Another list! This one i've been meaning to compile for long...And so I present to you......(drum roll please) Ta da!!!!!



Top Ten most cliched/well-known hindi film dialogues!


1) Kutteyy! Kaminey! Main tera khoon pee jaaonga!
(Mannn, that's gotta taste nasty)


2) Arey O Samba....Kitne aadmi the??
(Does it matter? They kicked your sorry ass anyway)


3)Tum? Yahan? Is waqt??
(What kind of a lame question is that for pete's sake??)


4)Main tumhe nahin chhodoonga!
(Pehle pakad toh lo:P)


5)Maaa! Maa mujhe chhod kar mat jaao maa!
(Dude i think a hospital may be of more help...)


6)Don ka intezaar gyaarah mulkon ki pulis ko hai lekin don ko pakadna mushkil hi nahin namumkin hai!
(This dialogue is soooo cool!:D Poor chap got caught though; now that's what you call a chop)


7)Aaj mere paas gaadi hai, bangla hai, naukar hai chaakar hai........tumhare paas kya hai?? Mere paas maa hai!
(It would have been interesting if the other guy had dad....)


8)Tum aisa nahin kar sakte!/Tumhari himmat kaise hui?
( Possibly the lamest dialogue ever)


9)Bade bade deshon mein aisi choti choti baatein hoti rehti hain....
(Awww, probably the cutest way to accept an apology!)


10)K-k-k-k-k-k-k Kiran!
(Poor shahrukh, People will be k-k-k-k-ing whenever he's mentioned for ever and ever...)


Ok that's it for today's Weird Chart Show!! Good night, my fans!! I'll bee baaackkkkkkkkkkkk!
Muhahahahahahaahaha!
(Yep i never tire of doing that....)

Decisions, Confusions.......Illusions?

Looking at the way things are going, I think it's about time that I started thinking of an alternate career for myself.......Hmmmm engineering aint the end of the world....right?? There are so many things i can do...

1) Become an actress!
And the award goes to.....
Me: Thank You Thank you! I love you all!! I wanna thank my fans, my parents, my doggie, my kitty, my llama .......
Yeahhh....I could live with that:D

2) Become a dairy farmer in switzerland....Yeaaahhhh! Ok so i don't like cows but big deal.. with all that milk maybe i could start a chocolate factory and in my free time i could go skiing, snowboarding, see the ddlj place, hog on swiss chocolates.....yum yum drool

3) How about a chef?? I can cook....really! I make-a goooooood pizza!(italian accent)

4)Singer? Aw come on, with technology today, even a monkey can become a singer. And if salman khan, sanjay dutt and aamir khan can sing then i sure as hell can!

5)Maybe i could just become a hippie. Peace, man.

6)Clooowwwwnnnn!!! I'm clumsy enough alright. (Wait, did i actually in actuality consider becoming a professional clown?)

7)Teacher?- AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!(point at myself nagraj style)

8) Magician! I will now make a bunny come out of this hat!
Audience- Ooooooooooohhhhh!!

9)Drummer- So what if i don't know how to play the drums yet? I'm gonna learn and then I shall do the ba ba boom very nicely!

10) Or maybe i could just lead a life of crime- Criminals always get to spout cool dialogues:( and get cool background music
Don ko pakadna mushkil hi nahi namumkin hai!(Muhahahahaha)
I'll make him an offer he can't refuse!


Oh dear...isn't looking too good is it??
I like the actress part though:D:D:P




P.S- Yes I like making lists!!


P.P.S- And yes I also like exclamation marks!!!!!!!!

Animals In A Human Zoo

Let's assume that FIITJEE is a zoo and we students are its inhabitants. How do we function? Just as any normal zoo, I suppose. We all have our own cages and stay their with our own species but we like to come out and mingle at times, that is until the game warden comes and ushers us back in. We hoot, scream, roar, cackle, jump from benches and hang from the ceiling in our spare time. Please don't feed us, we feed ourselves and obviously we are educated, do you take us for animals? But zoos are used to members of other species paying visits, we however are not.................
Our encounter with the other kind would mostly be limited to pigeons and dragonflies, which can be sighted only if you go to the terrace. Or sometimes, it would be the humongous doggie next door that likes to assert itself by looking over the wall and barking loudly....
Rachina : Dogs woof
Me : Dogs bark
Rachina :DOGS WOOF!!!!!!!!!
Me : DOGS BARK!!!!!!!!!
OK, it did sound more like a woof so then why did we learn it as dogs bark when we were taught animal sounds? The system, I tell you! What is it teaching kids these days? But a really close encounter came one fine day in May, in the middle of Physics class..
Vachan : Pssst.. There's a rat!
SQUEAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me : That's not a rat, it's a mouse.
Apu : Does it make any difference????
Me : Sure it does! Mice are cuter. Can I name it Wendell?
It turned out that there were two and were desperately trying to get out of the room. They were following some kind of pattern, running along the edges and twice, one came near the board
Sir (to mouse) : If you would like to explain something please go ahead
Mouse looks at Sir and twitches its ears
Sir (to class) : What is this, a mouse or a tiger?
And then continue its relay race around the class
Rachina : Hmmm atleast they're smart enough to know that the corner is not in the middle of the room
Me : I always said mice were intelligent...
SQUEAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Apu : The rat just went past my leg!!!
Me : It's just your skirt!!! And it's not a rat, it's a mouse
Apu : NO I'm damn sure its the rat
Me : It's your skirt rey and its a mouse!
And more recently, one day in the corridor..
Me : So what were you telling me?
Rachina : I was saying.....
SQUEAL!!!!!!!!! and I saw something orange streak past with a horde of boys pursuing it
I thought I thaw a putty-tat.
And it streaked past me again with the hooting boys in its wake
I did! I did! I did thee a putty-tat!
It was said that the cat went barging into A01 and made all the Einstiens pull a Napoleon and then jumped into the podium in A02. Poor thing must have been really scared!!!I went to find out what happened to it when Shehzaad Roy's Salli started playing in my head and I heard him say, "Hey, I heard they killed it" Oh yeah? If there's anything that needs extermination here, its you. But I think they did otherwise and it better be that way, or I'm suing this place
More recently, in the middle of an uneventful Maths period.......
Anisha : SQUEAL!!!!!!!!! COCKROACH!!!!!!!!!
Me : It's tiny!
Anisha : It's still a cockroach!!!
Ankita : Please Please, get it away from me!! I hate cockroaches
and made me change places with her. Peace once again, till the boys from the other side passed us a present..
Ankita : It's not funny!! Get it away from me!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (WHACK) Where'd it go?
Akshay : Hey, it's on your bag
Me : Sigh! Get off it, you vermin
and the cockroach showing mice-like intelligence made its way towards the door
Harsha : Come back!!!!!!!!!! Don't go!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Akshay : Wait, I'll get it
Sir : What are you doing?
Akshay : Me, Sir? There's a cockroach, I was trying to throw it out. Shoo! Shoo!
Yeah...........It's a jungle in here

The Practical Difficulties Of A Practical - 2

It is with great pleasure that I announce that the award for conducting the worst practical exams goes to FIITJEE Junior College!
Ok, Chemistry. I thought I would breeze through it. They possibly couldn't mess this up too. but apparently it was not so.
Our external was a lady whom I'd never seen in my entire life but supposedly had the honour of her own cabin in the staff room. After finished with our volumetric theory, she told us to write down our salt analysis theory. But before that she said, "You people are not writing salt analysis properly. If you don't do it properly I will just tear the paper" And what was the proper way, may I ask?
1. Draw 3 columns.
Anyone with near human intelligence can do that!
2. Write down the preliminary tests
You got to start somewhere right?
3. Write down all the tests for anions and cations and at the very end write the cofirmatory test after doing the experiment
Unless you are blessed with the Inner Eye, you have absolutely no way of knowing which salt you are getting so why are we wasting our time doing this? I thought we were supposed to write as we go along! Oh and I'm sure it would be very much legible if the identification and confirmatory tests are miles apart from each other.
If that's not enough, she decided to test just how stupid we were by saying "Don't you know how to test for Group 1...blah blah blah" and blurting out the procedures. LADY, THIS IS AN EXAMINATION!!!!!!!!! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING??????? Even Manoj isn't that dimwitted. Anyways our demonstrator told us not to listen to her and follow the normal writing procedure. You know, I'm quite grateful that I'm slow at times because I just had to start writing the Carbonate Test (so how about taking SLOTH off the 7 deadly sins list, huh?)
She followed us in to the lab later and she caught two guys laughing at some unseen hilarity which their species are wont to do and drilled them about their chemical knowledge. They were clever enough to look ashamed near her but once out of eyeshot, they resembled Hell's angel. Oh yeah, she christened someone "Mr. Laugh" and behaved as if an offence punishable by death was committed when a guy misheard 0.05M for 0.01 M.
We were handed our salts. Pink. Manganese chloride. Well, that was easy! Wish I got a white one atleast, it would have been challenging. Anyways, let the experiment begin but before that, "Show me which cation and anion you got before writing it down!!!" GROAN.
I made my way through a sea of legs and stuck out bottoms to get to the reagents table. As luck would have it, manganese dioxide was over. I asked Sir for a new sample but he scrounged the last from the bottle and dumped it into my test tube and I braced myself. And then I got THE SMELL. The smelly smell. The smelly kind of smell that smells. CHLORINE. Cough, Cough back to table and tell people to move out of the way and write down the tests and take my paper to her.
"Are you satisfied that it's chlorine?" My nose is full of it, I'm MORE than satisfied!!!! Time for volumetric now which went pretty well except for occasional questions from the guy next to me and the groans of the guy opposite me about how agonising it is to have sulphuric acid fall on his hand. What a drama queen! Ask me, I've had sulphuric acid on my hand 3 times, hydrochloric once and also ammonium hydroxide. Hmpf, Showoff. And I finally discovered how to get excess base out of the pipette perfectly. Press the other end on the bottom of the beaker and lift your thumb very slowly. That'll work. I finished and I was asked to wait. I looked out of the window. I had a sudden urge to release my paper and let it go with the wind and I plead temporary insanity due to harmful effect of chemicals.
Well, now I can say I've succesfully completed my Practical Pre-finals unlike someone who's stars are obviously aligned well to arrange a holiday tomorrow (ahem cough COUGH)

P.S. Today we learnt about borg-lar alarms and I was asked to do a favour and tomorrow is Baa-aaa-krid.

The Practical Difficulties Of A Practical - 1

Whats' the big idea of announcing a practical pre-final just 2 days before it actually takes place? So I had to waste a whole day studying for that crap and even have my tutor fill me with that same boosha, instead of studying for AITS, and I still do pathetically!!
I wake up in the morning and I realise that the only experiment I can do well is PHYSICAL BALANCE!!!. So au contraire to most of my fellow victims who thought I'd gone loony for asking like, the most difficult one. And what did I get finally? Prism. PRISM!!!!!!!!!!!!! and I screwed it. Not the theory and all that. I was fine with the written part but I had to re-do the entire thing because my graph started to resemble the Himalayan peaks instead of the Himalayan valleys. So I used the old stand-by : faking. And I think I can get away it because our external was none other than Manoj........
Notice how I pronounce his name with disdain, Manoj....... Yes, the same "look at me, I'm smarter than you when I'm really not even qualified to teach a kindergartener the ABCs". He got to ask us our viva questions and boy isn't he all well informed! A few questions I overheard, my classmates being tortured with....
"What is jografeek merrydiyun?"
"How is semicondoctor used in jonkshun die-ode?"
"What is aangul of deep?"
And he was asking all the people with the same experiments to come over so that he can question us jointly. Lazy git...What is the point of that may I ask?
How are you going to know who's answering on their own without prompting or not? So when my turn came..
"If I pass laait thru aakromaatik doblate and it has two wevlenths, draw the ray daigrum. I dont want very gooood daigrum"
Acting all hoity-toity, "WHERE IS YOUR RECORD?"
Oh please remind me to bring it tomorrow Sir, so that I can hit you on the head with it so that you can have light passed through your eyes when you open them next at the hospital.
Well atleast I had the perseverance to study and attend my practicals, unlike certain people here (ahem, cough cough)