Vote For Chiruni!

Election time is here again. Bother, bother. So a catharsis of my political views is only fitting.
I was going to give this post a cliched title like "Politically Incorrect" but what I'm going to write here is not going to be incorrect, it's going to be direct and frank. And besides, I hate being incorrect, so there. Villify me if you dare.
"Politically Correct" would also be a misnomer because what is correct in politics? Can we say that monarchy was wrong and democracy is correct? Loads of kingdoms and civilisations have flourished under monarchy and were perfectly happy. One man to decide what was right and what was wrong. Of course, there were a few aberrations in this form of government. A king was believed to be the representative of God on earth but some liked to imitate His not so godly relation down below. Imagine a group of plebians like us going up to mighty emperors like Ashoka or Akbar and saying, "Ok, this society needs restructuring. From now on, we're going to decide who's to govern us and if we don't like you, we'll throw you out. Capiche?" The mighty emperor blinks. "Guards!!!! Have these buffoons thrown in prison and executed for their preposterous proposal and treachery to their emperor!" Yeah, I think that would be the situation here in the Middle Ages.
But democracy came into existence long time ago, in a beautiful land far, far away, full of smart and brave people, called Greece. Yes, they're the ones who came up with the idea of having people lord over you but at the same time, being responsible to you for whatever they do. See, I told you they were smart! But after Rome conquered them, they were forced to be happy with whichever form of government which was in vogue in those days. No civilisation in this world, I think, has seen so many governmental changes as Rome. You name it and they had it. Monarchy under tyrants like Tarquinus Superbus (no, he did not have a super double decker bus), a little thing called democracy and the like. Sure there were powerful people in those times and even a slight mention of being king would have you stoned in public like a petty thief. Victims of such ideaology - Julius Caesar and Tiberius Gracchus. Trying military times forced them to appoint a dictator to take the reins of the empire into their own hands, but that was just for a short while. But dictatorship could never be far away for a power hungry race like the Romans. If you notice, history exemplifies Italy's need to have power (read as rise of Fascism and the Mafia) but I still love that country. Reasons to be disclosed in another post but now I must come back from my digression. Augustus (Octavius Caesar) was the first emperor and people thought he was the best thing since spaghetti (such hypocrites I tell you!) Anyway the problem was that because he was such a good emperor, people thought that the following ones would be good as well. Oh you simpletons! Sure, some were good like Traegean (did I get his spelling right?) and some were barmy like Nero. See how it rhymes with "weirdo"?
Coming back to the correctness of politics, there's something I think which is worth debating : Communism Vs. Capitalism. It's what the world has been fighting about since 1945. Which is more right? I think it all depends on the perspective of the country. Russia and China chose to believe that everybody ought to get their share of the economy and thus hold the purse-strings whereas America believes that you do your own thing with your money, the government's not going to nose in and go all "Ok, one dollar for me, one dollar for you, one dollar for Jimmy......" So you say communism sounds better? Well, what cures Sancho makes Martha sick. Communism in India is predominantly seen in West Bengal and look at what its doing to the state! It's like torn in pieces.
So majority of the world thinks democracy is the best. And India proudly holds the title of being the largest democracy in the world. But you know what? I think democracy is being is being abused in our country. Yes the government is responsible to you but it's not responsible for everything. Fire guts down shops, the government's to blame. Flood in villages, the government didn't do anything to stop it.....Honestly, people, why don't you rectify the situation instead of pointing fingers? Oh how we love blaming others! But then again, the government's built such an image for itself that even if it's right, it has to bear the public ire due to its stereotype. When you say government in USA, you think White House, men in black suits, secrecy, fancy gadgets, hidden bases with alien exhibits. When you say government in England, you think polished men in crisp suits, Winston Churchill's victory sign, Her Majesty, tea....but when you say government in India you think khadi clad villains, red tapists, flying chairs in Parliament, buffaloes... Yes, a pretty pass indeed.
On a different note, I would like to document the serial blasts which took place in Jaipur yesterday. Some Indian Mujahudeen blah blah (I don't care about the spelling) claimed responsibility and even sent videos of their doing to the media. Just look at these sadists! It's like as if they're proud of what they've done and want to show off!!!
You're still wondering about the title? Chiruni means comb in Bengali and it happens to be one of the election symbols for the Cantonment Board Elections in my area. They have really strange symbols. All day long, they keep spouting annoying stuff on loudspeakers and going from door to door promoting their party. So these chiruni people came over to our house and gave us a free comb! Sweet. Some party has its election symbol as cake..so does that mean you'll give us cake? Yay!!! I'd like chocolate, if you please. Then there's the book party. Maybe they can give me The Unwaba Revelations. Can you believe Odyssey does not stock the book that's topping the city's bestseller list!!?? And then there's brick..what do you do with those? Throw it at the party workers? I'm really annoyed with banana. They stuck posters on our pillars. My aunt says Telugu politics is weird. I'll say. They're still hankering for Telangana. Personally I wouldn't have had a problem with that if they didn't want Hyderabad as its capital. What would it look like if I go up to somebody and say, "Hi! I'm from Hyderabad, capital of Telangana" EWWWW! Sounds chillar. And the person campaigning for T is some weirdo whom according to my aunt, looks like a pimp and according to my father, has nose that looks like a samosa (hee hee) But I think his nose looks more like Squidward's
Why did these people have to give us a comb? Now I feel like as if I'm obliged to give them a vote. I have this dreadful tendency of being duty bound to someone who gives me something for free. And I know my parents will vote Chiruni if I tell them to do so. They always did that. I remember when I was in 4th class and even though my father was all for BJP, I forced him to vote for Congress. Till date, I'm still inclined towards Congress but in this state, the only party that rules is mana Telugu Desam. Adi bestu. I'm going to be of voting age in December and what's going to happen if I allow myself to be swayed by their cheap gimmicks? I'll never be a responsible citizen!!! I'll only be aiding regression!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAHH! Well, there's still time before the Parliamentary elections. I'm sure I'll wise up before that. And I think Rahul Gandhi is cute.........................
Me : You'll never learn, will you?
Myself : At this moment, I think not
Oh well........................
VOTE FOR....................Chiruni!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
VOTE FOR....................Chiruni!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DISCLAIMER : The following views are that of a 17 year old who has exercised her Right to Freedom of Expression and is not liable to have legal proceedings initiated against her on account of being a minor. So PHBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBTTTTTTTTT!!!!